Good News or Bad News?

An encouraging event happened while I was in Bloomington helping Mom move. Mom found an old note sent to her by my Bible Study Fellowship teaching leader in Sioux Falls (back in the late 80's/early 90's) telling Mom how I had done a sweet thing for her and she wanted Mom to know how much she appreciated me. She knew Mom would enjoy hearing this since she was a fellow BSF teaching leader. Before they read it out loud to me, Jeanne & Shelley ran into the kitchen (out of my hearing) and figured out what they thought I would say. When Mom read the note I did not at all respond as they expected (based on past experience) and they were surprised. They were sure I would say "Well, she sure didn't know me!!!" But instead I took the compliment and smiled and said something to the effect that it was sweet of her to write the note and that I couldn't quite remember the situation. My response to Jeanne and Shelley's surprise was that God has recently done a lot of healing in my life. It was a very revealing and extremely encouraging sign to me that they saw a big difference in my attitude and response. I can't remember exactly how I explained what God had been teaching me but I remember thinking afterward that I said it all wrong and I would like to clear that up. It seems like I said something about not being as bad as I used to think I was when actually it is the opposite! - - accepting my "badness" is what has freed me! I would like to attempt to explain how God has been freeing me up in this area...
We just stumbled on a wonderful article in Christianity Today (Dec.) by Tim Keller, "The Advent of Humility" and I want to quote some of it because he explains it better than I can.
"Humility is a byproduct of belief in the gospel of Christ. In the gospel, we have a confidence not based in our performance but in the love of God in Christ. This frees us from having to always be looking at ourselves. Our sin was so great, nothing less than the death of Jesus could save us. He had to die for us. But his love for us was so great, Jesus was glad to die for us...
There are two basic narrative identities at work among professing Christians. The first is what I will call the moral-performance narrative identity. These are people who in their heart of hearts say, 'I obey; therefore I am accepted by God.' The second is what I will call the grace narrative identity. 'This basic operating principle is, 'I am accepted by God through Christ; therefore I obey.'
People living their lives on the basis of these 2 different principles may superficially look alike. They may sit right beside one another in the church pew, both striving to obey the law of God, to pray, to give money generously, to be good family members. But they are doing so out of radically different motives, in radically different spirits, resulting in radically different personal characters. When persons living in the moral-performance narrative are criticized, they are furious or devastated because they cannot tolerate threats to their self-image of being a 'good person'. But in the gospel our identity in not built on such an image, and we have the emotional ballast to handle criticism without attacking back. When people living in the moral-performance narrative base their self-worth on being hard working or theologically sound, then they must look down on those who they perceive to be lazy or theologically weak. But those who understand the gospel cannot possibly look down on anyone, since they were saved by sheer grace not by their perfect doctrine or strong moral character."

This is the same liberating message Laddie and I learned from reading TrueFaced by John Lynch. I believed in grace for everyone else but realized I was still trying to earn God's favor and didn't really believe He loved me just like I was. I knew God "loved me" intellectually but in my heart I wasn't accepting His unconditional love for me personally. This kind of unconditional love goes against human nature and it takes supernatural understanding. In TrueFaced we were struck with this quote, "Nothing I can ever do will make Him love me more and nothing I can ever do will make Him love me less." We both realized that we didn't believe that was true for ourselves (we believed it for other people). We now realize we could NOT love God and others until we truly believed that He loves us totally and unconditionally (1Jn.4:19 "We love because He first loved us") Now we are beginning to understand grace! Accepting grace for ourselves filled us with love and gratefulness to God. Now we can love God and obey out of love for Him rather than obeying to gain favor or obeying out of fear.
The gospel is not "good news" if we are living in the moral-performance narrative. It's a heavy, heavy weight to carry - all the guilt and self-loathing because you can't measure up to what you think you should be. I am finally being freed of living under the fear of the devastation criticism used to bring. The fear of finding out I was a "bad person" or accidentally exposing myself as a "bad person" was a prison of sorts. When I could finally say and believe "Yes, I am a bad person (and so is everyone else!)" I was freed and I could accept my failures and be transparent and less self-protected around others. I don't have to live in bondage to caring about what others think of me anymore. (In the situation above, having to look humble!) I am learning to accept myself with all my imperfections and trust God to help me overcome them. I don't have to do it myself.
Another quote from the article,
Lewis speaks of 'the unsmiling concentration upon Self, which is the mark of hell.' The gospel, however, creates a gentle sense of irony. We find a lot to laugh at, starting with our own weaknesses. They don't threaten us anymore because our ultimate worth is not based on our record or performance. Martin Luther had the basic insight that moralism is the default mode of the human heart. Even Christians who believe the gospel of grace on one level can continue to operate as if they have been saved by their works. In 'The Great Sin' in Mere Christianity, Lewis writes, 'If we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good -- above all, that we are better than someone else -- I think we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the Devil.' Keller goes on to say that this kind of humility is missing in the church today. -a great article! Please read it.
Is the gospel really good news in my life or a cruel task master- bad news? Ask God to reveal how much He loves us individually and to help us truly believe the "good" news applies to me. We must allow God to define us (we are loved, chosen, adopted, redeemed, forgiven -Eph.1) and not others' opinions and our own expectations of ourselves! Then we begin to allow Him to help us overcome our sins with His help and quit trying to do it on our own which is doomed to fail.